To whoever is reading my first ever blog post – thank you! I appreciate that you’ve taken the time to do so. We live in a pretty fast paced world, one with a lot of distractions, links, Memes (which up until a few years ago I thought were pronounced ‘me-me’s’..), YouTube videos, cat videos, health articles, lad bibles and so so much more. So thanks again for taking the time to give this a look, even if it’s just for a moment 🙂
So now I am going to use my whole deep, meaningful open lines to link into what my blog is about (yeoooo look at me go already haha). The world is indeed getting faster – any of us lucky enough to have these luxuries have all been guilty of near breakdowns if our phones/internet connection/food isn’t fast enough “what the hell??! Are they actually killing the chicken, plucking it and cooking it??!!) I’ve prob heard myself say in the past, I’ve never had a huge amount of patience lol. And that’s ok! Things moving fast can be good! Especially a maccy d’s on a hangover day… But every now and again something happens in which time stands a little stiller and things go a little slower and for once there is no stamping of feet, cross faces or impatient grunts.
We can experience this feeling in different situations, some moments perhaps “worse” than others – a bereavement, a break up, losing your dream job, a diagnosis. However much they differ in difficulty, they all make us stop in our tracks.
One of the (thankfully) few times I have experienced such a feeling was when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I was 25 years old – it was terrifying.
It feels like a life time ago I sat in my neurologist’s office and found out I had it. When in reality it was a mere 6 months ago. When I say I was told I had it, the words, ” you have multiple sclerosis” weren’t actually said. The doctor kept using medical terms – I was a 25 year old who had studied English Literature and watches horror movies – I had no idea what a Lesion was. After all the medical mutterings I stopped, heart pounding, the sickly feeling rising in my stomach and had to actually ask the words, “wait, are you saying I have MS?” to which my doctor simply replied, “Yes.”
The rest is all a bit hazy, more medical jargon and talks about treatment while I cried my eyes out. How is this possible? I don’t understand? What caused this? All these questions and much more swimming round in my head, unable to hear a word the doctor was saying to me. He asked if any one was with me, I told him that my boyfriend was in the waiting area but I didn’t want him to come in while I was sobbing/unable to catch my breathe for fear it would terrify him half to death. He had only come along with me because he was kind enough to drive me. I actually told him when we arrived at the hospital to wait in the car because I would just be “in and out”. I had been experiencing the symptoms for a year but I had convinced myself it would be nothing serious.
When I eventually felt ready for my boyfriend to come into the doctor’s office I had tried my best to calm down but I was shaking, something I think he spotted right away (that and my Rudolph red nose, puffy eyes and snotty tissue). It was hard to hear it being said again by the doctor, hearing, “Siobhan has MS” just didn’t sound right. I couldn’t connect my name to the disease. Some times I still can’t.
I am going to stop my first blog here as the last six months have been long and tiresome. I have choked up a couple of times while writing this, anyone that knows me knows I’m a very emotional person anyway so don’t worry! Haha. I have so much more to write and to share with my readers (if I am lucky enough to get any). I hope to reach out to fellow MS sufferers, their loved ones, their friends or even just some one hoping to find out about my own, personal experience. I hope to write different posts on different aspects of my journey so far, from my first symptoms of it, how I got diagnosed, to things such as how it has affected my job and social life.
I read a quote earlier that MS sufferers are like snow flakes, none two are the same. I often tell myself I could have it so much worse. But we all experience and deal with it differently. My diagnosis has only truly sank in with me now (something I will talk about in another post) and I have had a really hard time the last couple of months accepting it. I am hoping that this blog will be my first steps in moving forward and accepting life with Multiple Sclerosis. I hope you can share that with me 🙂